File this under TMI I spotted a friendly co-worker leaving the restroom this morning as I was about to go in. She told me that it was out of service because Facilities is busy working on a faulty toilet. We have another “wheelchair only” bathroom on the floor, but they’re currently doing construction in that room. So I asked her, “Does this mean that there’s no other ladies room in the office?” She told me that she was headed to another smaller one on the other side of the floor and she invited me to tag-along. I took her up on her offer and we chit-chatted on our way there. We were gossiping about our COO stepping down, and how it was more than obvious that he was the only source quoted in the Post’s article about his resignation. But as we neared the other restroom, I was totally ignorant of what I was getting myself into. Women have always visited bathrooms in packs since time immemorial. So even though my biology dictates that I should engage in this female group activity, I was also born with acute “bladder shyness.” Basically, it’s really hard for me to pee in the company of others. And for some reason, this lifelong condition didn’t dawn on me until I opened the door to the bathroom stall. I started to panic in my head and think to myself, “Christ, I hope I can pee now!” Although she was able to follow through on her urge to pee, I sat there quietly and awkwardly in my stall. As I privately cursed my sense of timing (why the hell did I have to bump into someone on the way to the bathroom?), I also tried to conjure up imagery of Niagara Falls and leaky faucets to get some…any…type of flow going. But even mental b-roll couldn’t help me, because in addition to being “bladder shy,” I also can’t pee under pressure. Incidentally, that's also the reason why I can never give a doctor a decent urine sample. So even after she wrapped things up and left, I couldn’t get anything going for a few minutes. So now she probably thinks I’m some sort of “bladder shy” weirdo or worse. I shudder to think of the implications. Do I have to look for another job now? Fuck. | 
